pengembara cinta
Jangan kau tanyakan
perasaan seorang pecinta
yang sedang merindu.

Jantung serasa berhenti berdenyut..
Bumi seakan menghentikan rotasi nya..
Tak dapat lagi dirasa
perbedaan detik..menit..jam..

Sesuatu di dalam tubuh siap untuk meledak..
Apalah namanya itu yang tercabik2 di dalam.
Kehilangan kendali atas diri sendiri..

Runtuhnya tembok-tembok pertahanan
Yang dahulu berdiri begitu kokoh
Seakan melucuti setiap helai benang yang melekat di tubuh.
Dia rapuh..

Rasa rindu menjalari tubuhnyai..
Di saat seperti itu,
rasanya apa pun bersedia dilakukan
untuk menghilangkan rasa yang begitu menyakitkan itu...
Tugas multimedia ngebuat layout website..
Have no idea what to do..
Huaa pr Operation Research, ada 2 nomor yang tak dimengerti pula.
What more can i expect^^"

Sepenggal kalimat dari horoscope di friendster yang gue banget:
The problem is that they take time, and, even when you've got time to spare, you're always in a hurry. It's just how you are.

Post berikut akan gue ceritakan lebih lanjut dech..
Sekarang time to go to bed:)
Doakan besok gue ga telat yahh pagi...
Bisa2 ga diterima ntar pr nya ...
michael buble - home
Another summer day is come and gone away
In Paris and Rome but I wanna go home

Maybe surrounded by a million people I
Still feel all alone
I just wanna go home
Oh I miss you, you know

And I've been keeping all the letters that I wrote to you
Each one a line or two
I'm fine baby, how are you??
Well I would send them but I know that it's just not enough
My words were cold and flat
And you deserve more than that

Another aerorplane, another sunny place
I'm lucky I know but I wanna go home
Mmmm, I've got to go home

Let me go home
I'm just too far from where you are
I wanna come home

And I feel just like I'm living someone else's life
It's like I just stepped outside
When everything was going right
And I know just why you could not
Come along with me
That this was not your dream
But you've always believed in me

Another winter day has come and gone away
And even Paris and Rome and I wanna go home
Let me go home

And I'm surrounded by a million people I
Still feel alone .. Oh, let go home
Oh, I miss you, you know

Let me go home. I've had my run
Baby, I'm done, I gotta go home
Let me go home..It will all right
I'll be home tonight
I'm coming back home
...Baru aku tersadar betapa terbiasanya aku dengan kesendirian,
kesebatangkaraan, dan betapa canggungnya aku menghadapi perhatian,
meski dalam format sederhana sekalipun...
(Supernova - Petir. p.128)


Ouchh..ngena banget pas gue baca..
Meskipun gue ga berada dalam kondisi seekstrim Elektra *tokoh di buku itu*,
tapi in someway I feel the same.
Can you imagine what 4 years of being a single girl have brought?
Haha banyakk banget yang udah gue lewatin selama 4 taon ini.
Suka duka itu pasti ada..
Kalo ditanya lebih banyak suka ato duka nya?
Seimbang dech menurut gue...Thank GOD gue udah diberkati teman2 yang mampu mengisi sedikit celah2 kekosongan itu *Aminnnnn*

Talking about being single...
Seperti hal nya seseorang yang bisa menjadi kecanduan dengan obat2an terlarang,
being single juga lama kelamaan jadi seperti itu *at least buat gue*
Dari menikmati menjadi kecanduan menjadi kebiasaan.
Mula2 gue berpikir "I can do well without guys..."
Lalu tanpa gue sadari gue mulai menutup pintu hati gue buat makhluk2 bernama pria itu..
Lama kelamaan, gue mulai membangun berlapis-lapis brikade yang sulit ditembus.
Kebayang donk apa jadi nya kalo ada someone who offers me to be more than friends..
Gue mundur dan semakin tebal lah tembok2 yang gue bangun..

Beberapa hari yang lalu gue terbangun dari tidur di pagi hari,
dan gue menyadari kalo i'm on the edge of falling in love with someone.
I don't even know where to begin or how to explain why such thing could happen.
Entah gue yang udah lupa gimana rasanya mencintai seseorang ato emang begini rasanya,
tapi this time it feels really hurt.
Dan mulailah diri gue dipenuhi dengan sejuta pertanyaan berawalan "Kenapa..."
Kenapa di antara sekian banyak co, mesti dia yang meruntuhkan pertahanan hati gue?
Kenapa setiap kali gue inget dia, gue jadi bercampur aduk perasaannya. Sedih, senank, benci, rindu..You name it..
Dan banyak lagi "Kenapa.." yang muncul setelah itu..

At the end, gue ga bisa menemukan jawaban buat semua pertanyaan2 itu..
Kata seseorang kepada gue:
"Ya ga bisa lah loe jawab tuh pertanyaan cha. Being in loe is all about risk. Resiko kalo loe bakal sakit hati, kecewa. Tapi loe jangan lupa, di balik semua kemungkinan buruk itu ada sesuatu yang indah yang mungkin loe dapet. Kalo loe ga berani ambil resiko itu, you'll never know what you might have. Right?"
Well ada benarnya setelah gue menelaah kata2 dia..
Yaaa jadilah gue di sini sekarang,
mungkin sudah merasa jenuh dengan segala kesendirian yang selama ini gue lakonin.
Jadii gue putuskan, i'm taking that risk..
Tentang kemungkinan gue sakit hati ato apa..yaa let it be dech..

Huhh kenapa jadi mellow gini..
Padahal masih pagi2 di kampus..
Hari Senin pula..Lagi nunggu kelas dimulai jam 10 nanti..
Yaa kalau begitu, gue sudahi dulu kisah kasih ini;p

down
It is officially my count down to the very last second of the age 20.
I've been doing some thinking for the last one month about renewing my checklist..
You know..the list of "want to do things" for over a year..

It's getting harder and harder to accomplish what I wrote down in that list haha
This far, I've only managed to do one out of 9 things I wrote last year.
And that is : "Get over one of my ex-es" *LOL*
A pretty astonishing achievement for me, since it took me about 4 year to realize that he's no good for me *God bless me* haha

Satu hal yang bisa diambil hikmahnya selama ini :
Sometimes just wanting something is just not enough..
Semuanya butuh ketekunan, kesabaran, niat dan keteguhan hati tentunya.
Dan gue...tentunya kurang sekali tingkat dari hal2 di atas tadi.I'm a real dreamer you know..
SOmetimes I just wish upon a star for something to happen..*knock*knock* WAKE UP cha..

Soo my first goal for the next year is :
menumbuhkan semangat juang gue yang sudah lama hilank itu haha
Following that:

  • Succeed in the 2nd round of Visual Gaming and Web Development
  • Get a Job
  • Take a chinese course (this time is for real)
  • Throw a nice 25th anniversary for my parents
  • Guitar lessons
  • GRADUATE A.S.A.P *lol*
  • Go to China
  • Donate my blood for the very first time
  • Finish my short stories
  • Get myself a boyfriend? hahahhaa

(Di urutin dari goal jangka pendek sampe ke jangka palink panjang:p)

obat tetes mata
Kronologi kejadian yang entah akan menjadi bencana atau tidak..

"gilee mata loe merah banget cha" (agus)
"iya loh cha..." (nye2)
"iya nye. tadi gue kucek2. gatel banget nye.."


-Turun ke Student Service minta obat tetes mata-

Tepat setelah gue meneteskan obat itu ke kedua bola mata gue.

"Oh no cha...obatnya expired taon 2004" (nopi)

*gubrakkkkk*
Dengan gaya stay cool (padahal ga boonk panik bangetttt)..
"Serius nop? Yaa gpp dech ga perih"

"Hah??Koq masih ada di belakang sich..Duh cha..Sorry banget" (Kak Bertha)

Yaa itu dch sepenggal ceritanya..
Balik2 ke kelas dalam keadaan mata tetep merah..
Panik dalam hati tapi berusaha tetep tenank..
Haha orang2 sekitar dah cukup panik gitu..
Setelah beberapa lama, baru mulai perih matanyaaa
Akhirnya gue ambil aer anget di dispenser depan, trus cuci mata dech..

BODOH sekaliii gueee...
Ga cek dulu kadaluarsanyaa..
Terlalu percaya kalo orang2 di binus rajin ngecekin obat2 nya.
Jangan2 obat flu yang pernah gue minta dulu, kadaluarsa juga lagi..
Weqq...yaa pengalaman dech.
It won't kill buat ngecek huhh...
seorang manusia biasa
Mid exam...
Ga berasa banget loh kalo lagi ujian.
Besok ujian programming Distributed Computing,
despite of studying again for it,
gue malah bakal nomat malem nanti.

Kalo kata orang2, masa2 awal kuliah itu santai banget.
Makin ke atas makin serius belajar nya.
Teori itu ga berlaku buat gue.
Di awal2 kuliah, gue *pd banget* malah cukup rajin.
Yaa masih ada motivasi gitu dech buat belajar hal2 baru.
Sekarang di tengah2, bahkan menjelang akhir kuliah..
Gue malah bener2 keilangan motivasi buat belajar.
"Males banget sich loe cha sekarang!!!!", itu kata temen2 terdeket gue di kampus.

Gue menjadi begini by choice..Itu satu hal yang mau gue klarifikasi ke temen2 sekalian.
Bukan karena memikirkan hal2 lain di luar sana, ataupun mempunyai masalah2 tertentu.
Bisa dibilank, semakin ke sini gue semakin merubah cara pandang gue.
Lebih cuek..Lebih asal..

Entah kenapa, gue merasa lagi di ambang masa puber ke-2 *if such thing exists*
Kembali lagi ke titik nol,
nyoba buat discover apakah selama ini gue udah menjadi diri gue yang sebenernya.
Dan akhirnya, *seperti biasa karena kebanyakan mikir* gue jadi LOST..
Jadi bingung, ngerasa hampa 'n ga berdaya.
Buntut2nya malah bengong aja gitu dech.
Mungkin bener yach kata orang2,
ada beberapa hal yang tidak seharusnya dipikirkan.
Let it be aja..

I missed all those times di mana gue bisa merasa bebas dari belenggu pikiran yang terkadang menyiksa itu.
Aku butuh sebuah pegangan...
Akankah hadir lagi sebuah petunjuk di hati gue?
Hanya waktu yang akan menjawabnya...
For the mean time, I am still in the search..
an impulsive action
It is now almost the end of my mid exams.
3 more subjects to go for Monday to Wednesday..
*and here i am updating my blog with only one fully functional hand haha*

I realized that I needed a change in my life.
So yesterday when my friends asked me to play bowling with them,
I impulsively agreed *my mouth worked a lot faster than my brain haha*
And there it was, me playing bowling for the first time in my entire life


Result : my first ever strike, which happened on the last frame haha
and a really sore right-hand..
Is the ball really that hard? Is it me who haven't done a lot of sport? Or didn't i do the throwing correctly?
Well, it's not the second option for sure haha


Last message for today would be a shout out to some people:
------------------------------------------------------------------
Pujaaa... Jaa inet gue tadi dadakan down, maap yachh ga bisa ol dech jadi nya. Miss you so much nich ja. Sapa donk temen mencela gue skr hix hix Ja, find things to do donk. Jangan nge-game mulu..Masak nya juga jangan yang udah setengah jadi doank. Itu mah ga pure masak haha..Ntar pulankkk gue tagihh bikinin gue lasagna!!!!

Tommy...Tom, cia yoooo dl yang banyakkkkk haha kan akhirnya gue juga yang senank;p
Sering2 keluar rumah donk tom. Jangan ol muluu..Nikmati matahari melbourne haha

Vivi...Vi, you're without doubt the person who understand the most about me. You're always there for me with your honest opinions and thoughts. Don't know what I've done to deserve such a best friend like you. Keep on fighting on what you believe yach girl.

For all of you who are still fighting for something, if something are meant to be then it is meant to be. Don't give up fighting. It's the only way you could find out if it is meant to be for you...Cheers:)