I finally reached my limit yesterday..
I woke up in the morning with this sore throat and feeling so weak..
After took a bath, suddenly this headache came.
It just made me so sick that I could not even stand on my own without holding on to something^^"
I finally decided not to attend the class..
Anyway, I'm back to the normal mode hehe
Feeling so healthy..It feels so good:)
I just would like to thanx all of you who spent your time *and money* to message and made a phone call to ask my condition..
Really appreciate that^^

I'm sure all of us had our moment of being in the middle of something..
Ke kiri salah..ke kanan juga salah..
It's one of the feeling that I don't like.
Especially when it concerns two people who I consider as my friend..
I just can't never find what it's better for me to do.
Should I just stay put..pretend that I know nothing?
I can't..can I?
Eventually I'll end up hurting one of them..or even worse, both of them.

For someone, if you read this,
I really didn't mean to hurt you..I can't blame you if you're angry with me.
I don't have any excuse for you..
Nothing could ever turn back the time and prevent me for repeating the same thing.
Well hope you can forgive me..

Oh no, no, no, no

If love was a bird
Then we wouldn't have wings
If love was a sky
We'd be blue
If love was a choir
You and I could never sing
Cause love isn't for me and you

If love was an Oscar
You and I could never win
Cause we can never act out our parts
If love is the Bible
Then we are lost in sin
Because its not in our hearts

So why don't you go your way
And I'll go mine
Live your life, and I'll live mine
Baby you'll do well, and I'll be fine
Cause we're better off, separated

If love was a fire
Then we have lost the spark
Love never felt so cold
If love was a light
Then we're lost in the dark
Left with no one to hold

If love was a sport
We're not on the same team
You and I are destined to lose
If love was an ocean
Then we are just a stream
Cause love isn't for me and you

So why don't you go your way
And I'll go mine
Live your life, and I'll live mine
Baby you'll do well, and I'll be fine
Cause we're better off, separated

Girl I know we had some good times
It's sad but now we gotta say goodbye
Girl you know I love you, I can't deny
I can't say we didn't try to make it work for you and I
I know it hurts so much but it's best for us
Somewhere along this windy road we lost the trust
So I'll walk away so you don't have to see me cry
It's killing me so, why don't you go

So why don't you go your way
And I'll go mine
Live your life, and I'll live mine
Baby you'll do well, and I'll be fine
Cause we're better off, separated

Miss independent
Miss self-sufficient
Miss keep your distance, no
Miss on her own
Miss almost grown
Miss never let a man help her off her throne
So, by keeping her heart protected
She'd never ever feel rejected
Little miss apprehensive
Said ooh, she fell in love
~Kelly Clarkson : Miss Independent~

How you feel about a girl like this?
Try to control me, boy you'll get dismissed
Do what I want, live how I wanna live
Buy my own diamonds, and pay my own bills
~Destiny Child : Independent Woman~

Oh gosh..those songs reflect a little part of me..
Frankly, I don't like the feeling of depending to someone or something.
It makes me feel weak and I don't know..makes me feel like I'm nothing.
Not to mention, my fear of getting hurt if something or someone that I hold on to suddenly walk away from my life.
I'm not the type of girl who can throw myself to my boyfriend buat bermanja2 ria.
That is just so not ME..
but hey, it doesn't mean that I do not need attention haha
I do need that, but you know..not in the way most girl wants.

I always thought that I'd be this career-woman who still single during her 20s..
Doing my own biz and fulfilling my own need..
This is the idea that has become a part of me for so long.
I don't know if I'm ready to let that go.
Try to share my independence with someone else..
*Can't even think about that^^"*
What should I do..

Everything happens for a reason, right?
So, there must be a 'why' behind this post.
Hehe..I just finished watching 'Raising Helen'..
And it hit me..it hit me hard..
Watching how a woman who decided to let go of the life that she has already had..the life that she really loves to take care of her nephew and nieces..
It made me think..
Will I have that kind of guts?
To let go of something that has become a part of me.
For now, I don't think I have that guts..
I don't know about tomorrow or the day after tomorrow, or even next year..