a recent conversation with my friend over the phone..

ME: "I don't mean to judge your feeling, but do you think that this thing you've had for her is real?"
HIM: "What do you mean by that?"
ME: "Okay..why do you like her?"
HIM: "Well, let's see..I like her for her***** " (he provided me with a pretty long list)..
ME: "If suddenly some other girl came and could give you all the things you mentioned..or even more, will you also like her?"
HIM: *thinking for a while* "Maybe..."

--jump to another question yet still discussing the same girl with him--
ME: "Just my curiosity, why are you still going after her? Speaking as your friend and standing in my point of view, I think she's playing around with you. Everything you did for her was seemed to be wrong.."
HIM: "Yess, you're right..I can't seem to put the right things for her..but what can i do? She's really fit into my type of girl..It is rare to meet someone who can understand your thinking"

That was just a very small part of the conversation between us..
The question I've asked myself for these last couple of hours are:
~ Do we need reasons to fall in love with someone?
I've read it somewhere that the reasons why you love someone will be the same reasons why you decided to stop loving someone..
The analogy was like this..
"I like him because I think he's nice"
And so?
If he shows the other side of him that wasn't so nice, would you stop loving him?
"I love him because he makes me comfortable"
If there is someone else who can offer you that comfort..would you love him also?

I think love is just inexplicable..
No one knows where it came from..
It just came out of no where..
It beyonds our control..
so i personally believe that we shouldn't making reasons why we love someone..

You love your family just the way they are, right..
No matter how nice other people to you..still their place is irreplacable..
That's pure love...
Is there such thing as pure love in this world aside from that?
Who knows huh hahaha
I guess we'll just never know..
Cheers...

(Thanx to Mr. HIM, whose name will be kept secret)

I don't need to be anything other than a prison guard's son
I don't need to be anything other than a specialist's son
I don't have to be anyone other than a birth of two souls in one
Part of where I'm going is knowing where I'm coming from

I don't want to be anything other than what I've been tryin to be lately
All I have to do is think of me and I've peace of mind
I'm tired of looking 'round rooms wondering what I gotta do
Or who I'm supposed to be
I don't want to be anything other than me

I'm surrounded by liars everywhere I turn
I'm surrounded by imposters everywhere I turn
I'm surrounded by identity crisis everywhere I turn
am i the only one to notice
I can't be the only one who's learned

I don't want to be anything other than what I've been trying to be lately
All I have to do think of me and I've peace of mind
I'm tired of looking 'round rooms wondering what I gotta do
Or who I'm supposed to be
I don't want to be anything other than me

Can I have everyone's attention please
if you're not like this and that
You're gonna have to leave

I came from the mountains
the crust of creation
My whole situation made from clay and stone
and now I'm telling everybody

I don't want to be anything other than what I've been trying to be lately
All I have to do is think of me and I've peace of mind
I'm tired of looking 'round rooms wondering what I gotta to do
Or who I'm supposed to be
I don't want to be anything other than me

I DONT WANT TO BE...
I DONT WANT TO BE...
I DONT WANT TO BE.... ANYTHING OTHER THAN..

This song really depict me hahahhaa
found this song by accident the other day as i browse through my PC..

---

My skin is like a map, of where my heart has been
And I can't hide the marks, but it's not a negative thing
So I let down my guard, drop my defences, down by my clothes
I'm learning to fall, with no safety net, to cushion the blow

I bruise easily, so be gentle when you handle me
There's a mark you leave, like a love heart carved on a tree
I bruise easily, can't scratch the surface without moving me
Underneath I bruise easily, I bruise easily

I found your finger prints on a glass of wine
Do you know your leaving them all over this heart of mine too
If I never take this leap of faith I'll never know
So I'm learning to fall with no safety net to cushion the blow

Anyone who, can touch you, can hurt you, or heal you
Anyone who, can reach you, can love you, or leave you

~ Natasha Bedingfield - I Bruise Easily ~

okay..for you who don't watch rockstar inxs probably won't understand what i'm talking about hehe
rockstar inxs..yuppe sort of a reality show in a search for the new lead singer for the band.
Quite interesting...Armand Maulana took the audition also *if i'm not mistaken*.
Eniwei..there's this contestant named Suzie McNeil.
She is a real fighter..Thumbs up for her..
Eversince i watched that show, which is about a month ago, she was always in the bottom three position..
Nevertheless, she kept trying to do her best in the stage..
And guess what..she's on the top..
I guess this is one of the good example for not giving up!!
Fighting for the right thing and with the right way hehehe..
Jadi mumbling ga jelas gini..
eniweii..gotta go to bed now...

yuppe..technically holiday is over..
mulai besok *berhubung kelas hari ini belon ada*,
dah punya rutinitas tetap lagi..
senin kelas jam 15.30 - 17.30
selasa kelas jam 7.30 - 12.30
kamis lab jam 13.00 - 15.00

tapi yang gue rasain sekarang, liburan masih panjang....
sama sekali ga kerasa kalo dah dalam status "ga liburan lagi".
bisa jadi karena jadwal kul skr yang mendadak jadi sepi banget..
bayangin aja seminggu cuman 2 hari belajar di kampus..well tambahan satu hari lagi ngajar adi lab..
sisanya bakal diisi dengan skripsi *yang sampe skr topik nya masih undetermined;p*

temen2 yang laen juga rata2 dah sibuk dengan skripsi nya..
rata2 menargetkan selesai dalam 6 bulan ini, jadi semester 8 nanti tinggal diisi sama 2 mata kul sisa.. *jiaa yoo semuaa...*

buat gue, perubahan yang ini cukup bikin kaget..
kalo dulu setiap liburan mau kelar,
gue selalu ngerasa kalo gue bakal balik ke kondisi yang sama sebelon gue libur..
bingung yach?
Hehe gue ngerasa kalo nanti gue mulai masuk kul lagi, nothing will change..
yang berubah itu cuman list pelajaran gue doank.
tapi ga begitu buat liburan kali ini..
di tengah2 liburan yang baru berjalan hampir sebulan,
gue dah bilank ke dd gue and beberapa temen gue..
"gue ngerasa liburan kali ini beda loh..nanti kalo kita dah masuk pun, pasti semua bakal beda"

perbedaan yang palink nyata itu, kalo semester lalu kita ber-32 disumpek2in ke dalam satu kelas yang sama..
kalo nanti ini, kita masing2 dah kepecah..
ada yang masuk Software Engineering, ada yang ke Networking..
ada juga yang di Multimedia..
Kita2 nanti bakal ketemu sekelas sama orang2 baru..
Kalo dulu di kelas gue hang out bareng nye2 nopi lina..
Sekarang harus minus nopi..gara2 jadwal Networking beda sendiri..
i kinda miss last year's holiday..

jujur..gue belon siap buat menjalani tanggung jawab gue sebagai orang yang dicap "dah mau lulus"..
semakin ke sini..semakin gue bisa ngeliat realita dari kehidupan..
yang lemah ditindas yang kuat,
yang kaya semakin kaya..yang miskin semakin miskin..
gue dituntut buat bisa ambil sikap..
ga ada lagi yang namanya berbuat baik ke semua orang,
karena kenyataan nya banyak orang yang sering manfaatin niat bae kita..

ya intinya sich..
gue sekarang lagi mencoba beradaptasi dengan keadaan yang baru..
i'll see you soon my friends:)

my deepest condolences for those whose family members are listed as the victim of Mandala Air airplane that crashed this morning..

the question that's been haunting me all along is..
"is it decent for us to keep in touch with our ex-es?"
for the sake of our attempt to get over him/her..
it's definitelly best for us not to stay in touch *in any form* with them..
*referring to irine's topic in her blog few weeks ago*..

given that they have already moved on and have another person in their lives..
can you imagine how their new girlfriends/boyfriends will feel if they found out that their love one still stay in touch with their ex-es?

urrghh is it that complicated..or it's just me who's making things complex..