Apa yang gue takutkan selama ini akhirnya terjadi juga.
Dari SD sampai SMU gue berada di lingkungan main yang sama, di mana akhirnya gue mempunyai sekelompok teman dekat (gabungan co dan ce).
Fast forward ke setahun lalu, salah satu teman dekat gue itu..Name him 'K' came forward about his feeling toward me.
Fast forward again to 2 months ago, I finally explicitly told him that I couldn't find myself feeling more than friends.

I didn't give him any detail explanation, for I thought nothing I said would ease the pain..I just basically told him that at that moment I needed to focus on me and my family. *Well, it will be a long story to be told here*
Anyway, at that time I tried to discuss with him about "what if salah satu teman main kita ada yang ngajak pergi?"
Kondisi nya itu adalah: 'initiator' pegi2 di kelompok main gue ga tau keadaan antara gue dan dia. Gue pribadi memutuskan untuk ga cerita dulu sampe gue punya solusi.
Solusi untuk apa?

Ok..Mr. K told me that it would be hard for him to see me.
Dan pada saat itu, yang bisa gue lakukan cuman menawarkan ke dia alternatif:
"Kalo emang loe mau pergi dan loe ga mau ketemu gue, bilang aja ke gue"
*di benak gue itu..yaa kalo emank dia mau pegi..dia iya-in aja ke yang ngajak. Gue pasti ga ikut. Toh tiap gue diajak pegi, gue jarang langsung iya-in..*
Dan dia cuman bilank "yaa we'll see"

Fast forward to 3 days ago..I was on msn with one of my old friend, dan dia nanya;
"I know this kinda personal, tapi is there anything happening between you and Mr. K? I was chatting with him the other day and ask him to go out, and he told me that he wouldn't go if you came along."

Gue ga bisa berkata apa2..Here's the thing:
1. Dengan dia ngomong gitu, secara ga langsung bakal ada pihak2 tertentu yang merasa terpojok. Kasarnya itu: 'Loe pilih lah mo pegi sama sapa. Kalo mo ada icha, ya udah ajak aja icha. Kalo mo sama gue, ya udah jangan ajak icha'
2. Masalah yang seharusnya diselesaikan antara gue dan dia, malah dia bawa2 ke hadapan yang laen dan ditinggal begitu saja. I mean, gue selama ini dah ngalah. Begitu diajak pegi, gue prefer buat ga ikut supaya dia bisa ikut. Semua itu gue lakukan karena gue sampai saat ini ga mempunyai solusi yang lebih baik dari itu. Gue ga mau yang laen malah jadi bingung gara2 ini..

Tadi ada temen gue yang telpon..
XX: "Cha, Car di MM jam 7 ikut yaaa"
Me: "Hooo..bo.."
XX: "Omg..chaa sorry...Maksud gue..besok midnite superman returns yachh..Sorry cha, Mr. K ikut yang di MM nanti"
Me: "Ooohh..it's fine it's fine..Gue dah janji nonton superman sama temen gueee hehe next timeee yachhhh.."
Gue akhirnya kemaren specifically request ke 'initiator' pegi2 itu..kalo untuk sementara *sampe gue bisa come up with better idea* gue ga ikut dulu kalo ada acara, biar lebih gampang atur nya.

Gue rela koq untuk semua itu..Tapi still, deep down it hurts so much.

Yesterday my brother brought home a green ribbon from his campus.
He explained that it was given to him as to show solidarity in International Day for Drug Abuse and Illicit Trafficking.
Intrigued by it, I decided to search more information about that.
So below are some of the information that I attain:

---

1. International Health Awareness Days - 2006
You will find list of health awareness days (that will include World AIDS Day, International Child Day, etc)

2. The list of Ribbons Campaign
It stated there that "...The ribbons usually are worn to show that a person belongs to a group or believes in a cause..."

3. Jangan Heran Bila Lampu Kendaraan Nyala Senin Siang
"...Tapi, bila Senin (26/6/2006), para pengemudi menyalakan lampu kendaraannya, maka itu disengaja. Jangan heran!
Nyala lampu ini terkait dengan aksi memperingati hari Anti Narkota International. Rencananya pada hari Senin akan berkumpul ribuan aktivis antinarkoba di Bundaran HI, Jakarta untuk meramaikan acara ini. Nah salah satu aksinya, para aktivis akan meminta para pengemudi kendaraan untuk menyalakan lampu dari pukul 10.00 hingga 14.00 WIB."

Berhubung ini yang ada di negara kita sendiri, ga ada salah nya kalo kita ikut berpartisipasi kan?:) Sekalian, besok berarti bakal cukup macet di daerah HI..Jadi ati2 di jalan yach semua:)

---

And now, come the big question.
"What are you fighting for?"
Well, yeah I know..All of us are fighting for our happiness, our future, our career..Basically everyone is fighting for himself/herself, aren't we?
Let's just put aside ourselves, and look around us..
What is it that concern us?
For me, a lot of things *but then again, hey..haha you know how I tend to think about too many things;p*

I believe that education is everyone's right..
Gue percaya akan adanya kesamaan derajat dan martabat di antara semua orang terlepas dari apapun pekerjaan, jabatan, atau apa pun yang berkaitan dengan material.
Gue juga percaya kalo segala sesuatu itu ada penyebab nya. Ga ada yang namanya kebetulan hehehe

Is it an epidemic in the society for spoiling their children?
I'm not pointing to everyone, it's just I've come to a point di mana gue ngerasa gerah atas apa yang gue liat.

When I arrived at my bos's place, there's this car stopping in front of the house.
As I approached the gate, I spontaneously expecting that there were going to be a child stepping out of the car.
Instead, there's a maid stepping out from the other door (which was further from the gate)..
She opened the gate, then headed back to the car..Opened the car door,
and voila...there's her bos's daughter waiting to step down.
I mean..WHAT!?

Ok..Gue cukup paham dengan apa yang sering gue denger dari orang-tua2:
"Orang tua udah ngerasain pahit2nya hidup, mangkanya ga pengen anak nya ngerasain yang sama"

I do respect that..And I even thought the same, in term of:
Jangan sampe kejadian2 yang menorehkan noda hitam di negeri ini terjadi kembali..Itu adalah teror yang ga seharus nya dialami siapa pun juga.

Tapi beda kasus kalo soal material.
I humbly think that a child should learn that money doesn't grow in a tree.
Cuman kiasan hahaha maksudnya: untuk hidup itu butuh uang. Uang itu adalah reward atas apa yang kita lakukan, apa yang kita kerjakan yang berguna buat orang lain.
Menjadi anak dari orang tua kita doesn't entitle us for obtaining all the money that they have, does it?

I'm not trying to put a blame on anyone.
Every one sure do have their own consideration, and as for mine..I've just described it briefly..

Anyway, yang bikin gue bingung itu kurang lebih gini..
Ada anak2 yang di-spoiled, tapi mereka tetap merupakan anak2 yang decent dalam perbuatan maupun tingkah laku..
Ada juga anak2 yang di-spoiled, tapi tindak tanduk nya itu bikin kita2 tercengang.
Kalau gitu yang mana yang memegang peranan dari perkembangan seorang anak?
Kayak nya sifat seseorang itu kombinasi dari lingkungan dan kepribadian anak itu kali yach.
Ibarat nya lagi mau buat kue..
Segimana pun bagus nya suatu cetakan, tapi kalo adonan nya emank ga bagus..Ya hasil nya tetap aja sedikit tidak bagus.

Yesterday I was tutoring a 6-year-old boy, who is about to enter his primary 1 this year.
Unlike before, he sat still as I entered the room.
*"tumben banget"..gitu pikiran gue*
I sat down, opened the book..and asked him whether he still remembered how to add and substract 2 numbers.
He nodded and all of the sudden, he burst me with a lot of question.
*by a lot, i mean A LOT!!!!*

It went something like :
"Miss, how do you know that 'one' is 1?"
-blum sempet gue mikir, dia dah nanya lagi-
"And then..and then..why we have color? And how do you know what to call them?"

Kaget? Bukan cuman kaget..tapi bingung gmana harus ngejelasin itu semua ke anak umur 6 taon..
I tried to tell him that it went a long time ago..
As far as history can tell, the numbering system came from people who lived centuries ago..And for all of us now, we know that 'one' is 1 by learning.


"Yeah..but but miss..people back then were not clever, how come they know how to count?"
Me: 'How do you know that they were not clever?'
"They don't have cars...No airplane..No TV"
Me: 'Well, everything has a basic..And what we have now is the result of development..Did you know that the inventor of lamp live in a time where there was no telephone, tv, cars...'
"What??? Hhmm..i've never thought about that..but but miss..i want to know how do people back then know how to count??"
Me: 'Hhmm..that's hard to answer...How about if I search it on the Internet, then I'll tell you what I find on our next meeting?'
"Noooo...I want to know now..Oohh ooh miss..how do the computer works?"
......

Overall, I spent only 10 or 15 minutes tutoring him math..
The rest of it, he's ambushing me with a whole other questions.
I was stunned..He's only 6, and yet have already had so many thoughts..
Isn't it amazing? I mean..Dulu gue pernah penasaran juga sama macem2 hal, tapi pada akhirnya gue 'nyerah' dan belajar buat nerima semua basic2 yang ada di dunia ini.
Dan kemaren gue sempet mikir "Gmana jadi nya kalo dia tau bahwa bahkan sejarah pun itu hasil interpretasi manusia, dan ada kemungkinan salah interpretasi"

Ujian terakhir dah kelar..
Lega? Pastinya..
In someway, semua usaha yang gue lakukan selama project kemaren ini terbayar.
Beberapa minggu coding over almost the same thing, akhirnya jadi 'hapal' di luar kepala..
Jadi tadi cukup ok lah..

Gue cukup menikmati waktu di dalam kelas tadi,
karena yachh bisa dibilank gue dah ga bakal lagi duduk di kelas itu sebagai murid.
Suatu saat nanti pasti gue bakal kangen banget ama suasana kelas itu.
Ya, semua dah lewat..moga2 kita semua lulus *aminnnn*

Eniwei, tadi gue dikasih info yang cukup menarik..
*Thanx to tommy*
Jadi ada orang yang salah diwawancara di BBC
Kalo mo liat video nya, ada juga di: sini
Aneh2 aja sich..tapi yachh cukup menarik pas di baca..
Lagi mo ngelamar kerja, eh malah diinterview ama orang hahaha

Akhirnya mulai juga Piala Dunia 2006.
Entah dengan yang laen, tapi gue pribadi ga gitu ngerasa atmosfer dari piala dunia kali ini..
Bisa jadi gara2 sebulan menjelang piala dunia, pikiran gue dipenuhi hal2 lain..
such as: project2 yang tak kunjung kelar, cari2 kerjaan, dkk hihi
Tapi gmana pun, gue tetap meluangkan waktu sebanyak2nya buat nonton hehe *meskipun hasilnya kalo pagi gue terkantuk2*

Seperti biasa, kalo lagi ada event2 besar pasti ada yang namanya kuis SMS..
Di tv maupun di radio..
Gue cukup tercenggang dengan animo masyarakat terhadap kuis2 SMS itu.
Biaya kuis SMS itu kira2 Rp.2,000,- per SMS.
Dan 'peraturan' ga tertulis di tiap kuis SMS itu: "semakin banyak sms, semakin besar kemungkin menang."

Kemaren gue sempet liat salah satu kuis di salah satu TV swasta.
*Tapi itu buat F1*
Kunci nya itu: disuruh sms sebanyak2nya buat nebak pembalap mana yang bakal menank di grandprix kali itu.
Bahkan pas grandprix nya dah kelar pun, masih dikasih kesempatan beberapa saat buat tetap kirim sms dengan jawaban baru.
Karena penasaran, gue tungguin sampe ada pengumuman pemenang.

Pembawa acara: 'Yaa kita sudah mendapatkan pemenang nya. Selamat kepada no xxxxxxx.'

Pembawa acara: 'Selamat malam bapakk..Selamat yach. Tadi sms nya berapa kali pak?'
Pemenang: 'Kurang lebih 200x'

And I was like "WHAT?!#! 200 times?!!!?!"
Memang sich kalo diitung2, bapak itu menang Rp.5jt,-
200 x Rp.2,000,- = Rp.400,000,-
Berarti Rp.4,500,000,-
Dipotong2 pajak, masih cukup besar sich hadiah nya..

Ckckck gue cukup takjub loh..
Investasi? Could be..
Yang pasti membutuhkan dedikasi waktu dan duit buat modal sms nya hehe
Ada yang berminat?
Sekarang beng2 masih ada promo hadiah macem2 gitu.
Tapi the thing is, beng2 produksi kapan yang ada hadiah nya?
Hayooo...hehe

Le côut de la vie est il faut faire un choix.
The cost of living is to be able to make a choice.

Sometimes I feel exhausted of having to re-route my path.
2 months ago, job hunting..had an interview but that's all.
1 month ago, it was either China or Australia.
2 weeks ago, it is Australia..which means I'm gonna have to hunt for scholarships, attend numerous education expo, and earn a lot of money to support my living cost.
2 weeks ago, I got an offer to give a math tutor for primary school students. Since, I only have to teach after 4pm..I planned to help my mom market our product after my final exam.
2 days ago, I got a job offer from one of my lecturer as a System Analyst. Noup...no /Programmer at the back of the title.
Today, I had a meeting with my lecturer. From which I learned, that if I take the job:
- I will have to quit my France
*I cannot reschedule my France..Quitting is still not considered, since I've put so much effort all this time to start France*
- I will have to start next Monday
*Whilst, next Wednesday-Friday is scheduled for EJB make up class. And Saturday is final presentation. Not to mention, on 12 and 15 June are my final exams*
- I will work in Menteng
*Means I'm gonna have to go at 6 every morning hahaha*
- I have to quit teaching.
*Err...*

What will it be?
Still thinking..

Anyway, there's this band you all should check it out.
The band's name is Nidji
Kalo kata orang2 sich mirip kayak Coldplay gitu, tapi dunno..gue ga ngerasa mirip hahaha
Gue suka banget ama mereka sejak keluar single pertama nya "Child"

Tadi pagi mereka ada tuh di Putuss nya Prambors..
Dan gue iseng2 sms ke sana..
Ehhh dapet CD nya gratis hihi
Baru mau beli padahal..
Trus my bro komen : "Ahh gmana sich..kalo menank gitu2an mulu..Napa ga mobil, ipod, ato apa gitu"
Dan iya yach..dari dulu kenapa kalo ikutan yang hadiah gede ga pernah menank...urrghh..