I finally reached my limit yesterday..
I woke up in the morning with this sore throat and feeling so weak..
After took a bath, suddenly this headache came.
It just made me so sick that I could not even stand on my own without holding on to something^^"
I finally decided not to attend the class..
Anyway, I'm back to the normal mode hehe
Feeling so healthy..It feels so good:)
I just would like to thanx all of you who spent your time *and money* to message and made a phone call to ask my condition..
Really appreciate that^^

I'm sure all of us had our moment of being in the middle of something..
Ke kiri salah..ke kanan juga salah..
It's one of the feeling that I don't like.
Especially when it concerns two people who I consider as my friend..
I just can't never find what it's better for me to do.
Should I just stay put..pretend that I know nothing?
I can't..can I?
Eventually I'll end up hurting one of them..or even worse, both of them.

For someone, if you read this,
I really didn't mean to hurt you..I can't blame you if you're angry with me.
I don't have any excuse for you..
Nothing could ever turn back the time and prevent me for repeating the same thing.
Well hope you can forgive me..

Oh no, no, no, no

If love was a bird
Then we wouldn't have wings
If love was a sky
We'd be blue
If love was a choir
You and I could never sing
Cause love isn't for me and you

If love was an Oscar
You and I could never win
Cause we can never act out our parts
If love is the Bible
Then we are lost in sin
Because its not in our hearts

So why don't you go your way
And I'll go mine
Live your life, and I'll live mine
Baby you'll do well, and I'll be fine
Cause we're better off, separated

If love was a fire
Then we have lost the spark
Love never felt so cold
If love was a light
Then we're lost in the dark
Left with no one to hold

If love was a sport
We're not on the same team
You and I are destined to lose
If love was an ocean
Then we are just a stream
Cause love isn't for me and you

So why don't you go your way
And I'll go mine
Live your life, and I'll live mine
Baby you'll do well, and I'll be fine
Cause we're better off, separated

Girl I know we had some good times
It's sad but now we gotta say goodbye
Girl you know I love you, I can't deny
I can't say we didn't try to make it work for you and I
I know it hurts so much but it's best for us
Somewhere along this windy road we lost the trust
So I'll walk away so you don't have to see me cry
It's killing me so, why don't you go

So why don't you go your way
And I'll go mine
Live your life, and I'll live mine
Baby you'll do well, and I'll be fine
Cause we're better off, separated

Miss independent
Miss self-sufficient
Miss keep your distance, no
Miss on her own
Miss almost grown
Miss never let a man help her off her throne
So, by keeping her heart protected
She'd never ever feel rejected
Little miss apprehensive
Said ooh, she fell in love
~Kelly Clarkson : Miss Independent~

How you feel about a girl like this?
Try to control me, boy you'll get dismissed
Do what I want, live how I wanna live
Buy my own diamonds, and pay my own bills
~Destiny Child : Independent Woman~

Oh gosh..those songs reflect a little part of me..
Frankly, I don't like the feeling of depending to someone or something.
It makes me feel weak and I don't know..makes me feel like I'm nothing.
Not to mention, my fear of getting hurt if something or someone that I hold on to suddenly walk away from my life.
I'm not the type of girl who can throw myself to my boyfriend buat bermanja2 ria.
That is just so not ME..
but hey, it doesn't mean that I do not need attention haha
I do need that, but you know..not in the way most girl wants.

I always thought that I'd be this career-woman who still single during her 20s..
Doing my own biz and fulfilling my own need..
This is the idea that has become a part of me for so long.
I don't know if I'm ready to let that go.
Try to share my independence with someone else..
*Can't even think about that^^"*
What should I do..

Everything happens for a reason, right?
So, there must be a 'why' behind this post.
Hehe..I just finished watching 'Raising Helen'..
And it hit me..it hit me hard..
Watching how a woman who decided to let go of the life that she has already had..the life that she really loves to take care of her nephew and nieces..
It made me think..
Will I have that kind of guts?
To let go of something that has become a part of me.
For now, I don't think I have that guts..
I don't know about tomorrow or the day after tomorrow, or even next year..

Yippeee hehe today is a very happy day for my dearest dad and my cute friend, Lina..

Dear Dad,
It's been a long and tough year for all of us..
Glad that we've made it through hehe
I just simply want to wish you a happy birthday..
I know you haven't celebrate your b'day since uumm i don't know..since a long time ago for sure.
Well, maybe you just don't feel like doing it anymore *hehe i don't know:P*
I haven't been able to give you anything in return for what you've done for me.
*I know you don't expect any favor in return..*
but I just want to promise you one thing..
I'll never leave you and mom no matter what.
That's the least thing I can do right now:P
Anyway, happy b'day dad^^

~As written in the b'day card addressed to my dad^^~

---

Lina..I've known you for about 3 years now, right?
The first time I knew her was when we both were on the same bus on the way to the teambuilding.
*what a team building we had back then yach:P*
My first impression of her was cute, quite, introvert but still friendly somehow.
My impression now about her? Huahahah not much different from three years ago.
She's still the same girl who I talked to 3 years ago.
Except for the quite part^^"
She's not that quite anymore haha..Isenk nya skr dah menjadi2.
One of so many things that is so impressing about her is her ability to draw..
She's sooooo imaginative and creative *Do I spell it correctly:P*
Any of you still remember her 'family tree' assignment for CB3?
Hehe I adore your work Lin..
She really likes barang2 berbentuk piggie..Trus pucca juga dia lumayan deemen hehe
Mobil kesayangan diaa?? Errr itu lancer bukan toh ahha yaa itu dech mobil merah bernomor B 1368 EH *bener ga yach haha*
Denger2 sich dia sodara jauuh nya Schummy:P
Huaa yang lucu dari lina itu, dia ga gitu tau jalan^^"
Haha gue masih inget pas kita mo ke TA dulu..
Linaaa loves her sister so much hehe..
Dari cerita2 yang gue denger dari Lina, she's really different compare with her sister.
Lina is independent in someway..So far, she manage to enjoy her life and being a happy jomblo:D *Lin...icha tunggu kabar bahagia nya:P*
Anyway, I just drop by for now to say Happy B'DAY to you:):)
Some people say that another year means more responsibility for us.
Well, that's true in someway..but still, spare yourself a little to enjoy this life haha..*apa coba*
~As written in my testimonial for her written today:P~

Pyuhh here's the list of this week tasks:

Wednesday, 6 October 2004
Human Computer Assignment 2 (See milist for more detail:P)

Thursday, 7 October 2004
Compiler "Submitting a token table, keyword list, state diagram and scanner code or pseudo-coded"
ISPM 2nd Paper on "Selecting a Project"
ISPM 4th homework from book
Web Programming Homework "Creating a web based on the spec"

Gut luck everyone hehe..esp on the Compiler and the ISPM and the web..
Urrgg for everything:P

:::END OF PART 1:::

It's been said that seeing is believing. But the fact is, we all have our blind spots.
Sometimes we recognize them ourselves. Sometimes others recognize them for us.

Michelangelo said the best way to judge the essential elements of a sculpture is to throw it down a hill and the unimportant pieces will break away. Sometimes life is like that. It tosses us down a hill. But when we reach the bottom and only the important things are left, that's when our vision clears. That's when we hold on tight to what we know, while hope stirs inside us. It's all a matter of perspective.

Quote from Everwood